Caught off guard...

On Wednesday we were on our way to Piano rehearsal and Carson started remembering and asking questions about the babies that we have lost. I was totally caught off guard...many times I can see it coming but this time it was totally out of the blue. We have tried to be very honest and open with our children about the two babies that we were not able to hold before the Lord took them home to be with Him. Our children have rejoiced when we found out we were expecting and they have also weeped a little with us as we walked through the days after finding out those babies had stopped growing. Carson, being the oldest, always remembers. Some days he just likes to talk about them and remember them. At Christmas I remember them most. We had just found out were were pregnant both times and had told family and friends. Now as I hang our stockings each year I pause to remember them. We will never hang a stocking for these precious children but they will always be remembered. This week Carson was just remembering and told me again that one of those babies would be older than Abigail and one of those babies would be older than Claire. Yes, I told him you are right. He asked why they stopped growing again and I explained again that we don't know but we can trust that God knows best and that His plan for us is perfect. He is a wonderful father and is with them until we can be with them again. Andrew wondered outloud if they were brothers or sisters...I just listened as they decided maybe one was a brother and one was a sister. I told them that Daddy had read a book called "Heaven is for Real" where the little boy met a sister in heaven that he didn't know his Mommy had lost. That sister was not a baby...that sister continued to grow in age just like them. I asked them if they thought our babies would be babies when we got to heaven or if they would be grown in age and one would be older than Abigail and one would be older than Claire. They both agreed that they would absolutely be babies. Carson asked why they say the babies were "lost" if we know where they are to which I totally understood. It was a sweet time of remembering. Remembering and teaching my children how good and gracious that the Lord is. How life is just stinky sometimes and we don't understand why some things happen but we are so blessed to have a heavenly father who walks with us and rejoices over us and quiets our tears. Yes, there were tears again this time as we talked but it is so good to remember the pain for in it we remember the love and grace that the Lord has so freely and abundantly lavished upon us. My prayer is that you would be real with your children. Share with them things that may not be easy so that they might glimpse Jesus working in the midst of your family. He alone is faithful! He alone is worthy! "The Lord is good and His love endures forever, His faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100:5

"Mommy, Look it is a Ho Ho!"

Just wanted to remember this little funny. Abigail calls Santa a "Ho Ho"! Everywhere we go we see Santa these days and she always says something to point out that there is a Ho Ho to look at! So funny! It makes me laugh every time I hear it! I tried to explain that yes, Santa says Ho, Ho, Ho but it is a Santa! She has not as of yet caught on....so I continue to snicker.

Christmas Piano Recital

The boys did so well at their piano recital last night! This was Carson's third recital. He started with Ms.Holly last year. This was Andrew's first recital. He started with Ms.Holly in July. I really love that they are enjoying it! Carson played "O Christmas Tree" and "Santa Claus is coming to town". Andrew played "Jolly Old Saint Nicholas" and "Go, tell it on the mountain". I was a little leery about how Andrew would do but he surprised us and did great! The girls on the other hand were a handful during the hour long recital. It is just really difficult to sit still, in the same place for that long! Mimi, Papa, Granny K.K. and Will joined up to root the boys on! We are so thankful for Ms. Holly! What a fun night!

Meggie's Pot of Gold

Dustin and I had a Christmas Party to attend tonight so I called our favorite sitter Megan (aka Meggie) to come and play with the kids. As I was getting ready Andrew and Carson came upstairs with hands full of coin. I asked what the coin was for and why did they have it...Andrew told me that I didn't need to worry they were going to pay Meggie tonight so I didn't have to! What funny kids! Oh how I laughed at that! Okay.....so when Megan got here I told her it must be her lucky day because the kids had offered to pay her tonight...in fact Andrew told Dustin that he was going to give her thousands of dollars! Her very own pot of gold! Andrew, Carson and Abigail too proceeded to fill her hands with coin...



A pot of gold indeed! I am so thankful they love Meggie.

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Our Little Doll is 10 months Old!

I love this one...I think she looks like a little doll.

C is for Claire!

I could just kiss her up! I will say that the fourth child totally gets left behind in the picture taking. With Carson he got professional pictures taken every two months....with Claire she has had them done and 1 month, 4 months and 10 months! I know it may be silly but I feel so much better getting them done today and what a treasure they are! 10 months is such a fun stage! Oh how we love Claire Isabel!

Ramblings from my heart to yours...

My heart is full. Very, very full. Praise the Lord! Full of family, friends and ministry.

Oh my precious family just warms my heart. I am finding myself just stepping back and taking it all in at times...knowing these days are going by far too quickly! I want to intentionally relish the season of life that I am in and that is so hard sometimes when my to do list sits just calling my name most days. My friend, Jerri Kersh, came and spoke at one of our Moms 31 Sessions and said, "Moms, you are building a wonderful museum of memories for your children." Wow. That really got me. Yes, yes I am. How am I doing with that I began to process... I find myself holding Claire a little longer, reading to Abigail more, hugging Andrew a little tighter and carving out time to sit down and play a game with Carson more often. They are such a blessing and I am so privileged to be their Mommy. This past month I have been reading a book by Elizabeth George called "A Mom after God's Own Heart: 10 ways to love your children". It has been so wonderful and God has really spoken to me through it. It has helped me in so many ways but mostly how to share my love, faith and my values with my children...Today! My friend Suzanne Lawrence has a picture button by her facebook profile that says "Be Awesome Today"...I love that! Each day is such a gift...I will choose to be an awesome Mommy today! I desire to help my children experience God's love, God's blessings and God's provisions. This means I have to be very intentionally about seeking Him out in all things daily and recognizing where He is working and proclaiming Him to my children. I want to be a Mom after God's own heart! My heart is full of love for my wonderful husband. I am so proud of the husband, father, and devoted follower of Christ that He is. He has allowed God to mold him and use him in such a beautiful way and I am so delighted to get to see him grow and speak truth to his patients that need the Lord. I tell him alot that he is a bearer of hope...the hope of Christ within him! The kids and I pray every morning that the Lord will give him opportunity today to show God's grace and mercy to his patients. I love being a part of that. I love when he comes home and tells me how He was able to share God's word or pray with a patient. I am thankful the Lord is using him in such a mighty way! I see my husband as a sewer of hearts..a Cushing farmer perhaps....sewing hope, the truth of God..that He truly is the way, the truth and the life...into the lives of so many that seek his help "medically". Oh how I love this prince of mine! He is such a great Daddy. His little girls have him mesmerized for sure. When he says hi to Claire these days she cocks her head in a little cute shy smile...just adorable. He took us bowling the other day and after we got home he had to run back up to the hospital to see a patient. Abigail came into the kitchen and said totally unprompted in the sweetest quietest little voice "Thank you Daddy for taking me bowling. I really "wiked" it."....I looked over and could just see him swooning! He hugged her and later told me if she would have asked for anything just then he would have given it to her....oh, the power these girls of mine are going to have over their Daddy. My heart is full to the brim of love and thankfulness for my family.
My heart is full of friends. Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and wait to hear the answer. What a treasure true friends are that love the Lord! I have prayed for friends. We moved to Cushing last June and I knew 1 lady here. The wife of another doctor that had recruited us to come here. I prayed that the Lord would bless me with maybe just a few friends. This past monday I found myself at a Christmas gathering of 12 ladies that I have come to know and love this past year. I began to thank the Lord as I looked around the room...12 ladies there that I knew and loved their hearts and desire to know Him and make Him known.! I found myself thinking Who am I? Why would the Lord see me worthy of such a blessing? What I have learned this year is that women need each other. I have a desire to be real with other women sharing my life with them and they do to. I have a desire to see them grow in the Lord. I have a desire to grow with them! I am so thankful for these women. My friends. True friends. The amazing thing is they weren't all there...my friends that the Lord has given me...there are more! Friends are truly the flowers in the garden of life...the Lord has blessed me with a beautiful assortment that are all striving to be fed by the Son! For that my heart is so very full! Thank you Lord for the gift of friendship!
My heart is full of ministry. I love the little saying: Bloom where you are planted. Many times I wondered what the Lord would have in store for me as we prepared to come to our new town. Where He would want to use me. He planted us in Cushing, OK for a specific reason and season. Our message to proclaim: Life is better with Jesus! Abundant life eternally through Him alone but also here, right now. Abundant daily living with the blessings he bestows upon us as we obediently walk in His ways day by day. Before I sat down again to finish this post I was in the playroom with Abigail reading her a book before nap time. I came across this book that is one of my favorite little kids songs:
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam,
To shine for Him each day,
In every way try to please Him,
At home, at school...at play.
A sunbeam, a sunbeam,
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam,
A sunbeam, A sunbeam,
I'll be a sunbeam for Him.
Jesus wants me to be loving,
And kind to all I see,
Showing how friendly and happy
His little one can be.
I'll be a sunbeam for Jesus,
It's easy if I try,
Serving Him moment to moment,
Then live with Him on high.

I love the picture this little song paints about being a sunbeam for Jesus...sharing His light, His love in all areas of your life. Serving Him moment to moment. What exactly did the Lord have in store! Well if He had let me know all the details then that I know now...I would have been scared out of my mind and very disobedient, I believe. I know that I probobly would have tried to plead with Him that I could not possibly do the things He was calling me to do. What wonderful grace He has as He gives us sometimes only a glimpse of His plans and as we follow after Him He reveals more and more of the horizon, if you will. So. In April a few moms I knew started talking about how great it would be to have a MOPS in Cushing. MOPS stands for Mothers of PreSchoolers. It is basically a time during the day where moms meet. It can be structured very differently but most groups meet the needs of mothers through discussion, fellowship, creativity and speakers. Most groups use this as an outreach to create opportunities to get to know other moms. How the Lord fashioned together the leadership team is really pretty neat, I began to pray....their were four of us at the time. I met another mom at a garage sale and spoke with her and shared my heart with her about the moms ministry...she had been in one in Tulsa and had been praying about one!...she came and met with us and brought her friend...and thus we had the team of us....6 Moms set off to pray and plan through what God had in store for the coming year! What an exciting time! We met during the days with all of our children...in the summertime....oh my! God was totally in control....as I look back on it I wonder how on earth it all got accomplished... God can do all things!!! We began to pray in May for Moms that we could reach and the way we wanted our ministry to be set up. We decided that our mission was to connect moms of all ages in the community by encouraging and equipping them with God's word and providing a Christ-centered ministry where relationships with Jesus could develop. We wanted to make sure it was not a fellowship group but an outreach group...moms growing closer to the Lord. Moms reaching Moms...Moms being fishers of Moms...sharing the good news that Jesus has reconciled us with God! We began to plan for our ministry and all of the details that involved. Three big items where: budget=God's provision, children=Little Blessings, schedule=what did God want to teach us this year, mentor moms=who could invest and teach us about their walk with Him. We decided to model it much like the MOPS program with 8 sessions in the Fall and 8 sessions in the spring. I spoke with my pastor and he agreed to let us use the facilities and nursery for the meetings. Children...in order to minister to these moms we needed a program for the children which we named perfectly, I believe, Little Blessings Program because they are our Little Blessings!! Our sessions would be from 9am-11am twice a month and so we began to plan and pray for 8 workers and a coordinator. A budget....oh, how I laugh at that! We had originally thought, well, we could plan for 16-20 moms maybe? (I was truthfully thinking 12 would be great! That would double our leadership team, but God had other things in store). The majority of our budget for the Fall was to pay for the Little Blessings program. I believe the projected amount was $4000. We began to pray for His provision. How on earth were we going to raise $4000 by August to start the ministry! Well, He provided through a super awesome Garage Sale, generous donations, newsletter ads, and a Christmas booth rental and sales! You know what else he provided...we started enrolling in August for the session and the Lord brought 36 moms! (as you can imagine we were a little overwhelmed! We moved our meeting location to fellowship hall even before our first meeting because we had already outgrown it!) Well, with 36 moms we needed more classrooms for our 42 kids in our Little Blessings Program....again, Lord provided! We now have 12 teachers! Our total numbers this fall was 42 moms and mentor moms enrolled! Who would have known...only the Lord! Our first session I remember how tearful all of the leadership team was. I remember how neat it was to see the faces of the moms we had been praying for since April! God already knew them...he knew who would be in every seat...and we got to meet those Moms we had been praying for the first time...that was really special. Our schedule/ sessions began- what did God want to teach us this year! Oh soooo sooo much!! I invited a few dear friends to come and share (Jerri Kersh & Wynne Ann Hook). We had 4 speakers this Fall and 4 crafts. We had mentor moms from the community raise up and join us to serve alongside of us! They also have taken turns speaking and sharing their lives with us and encouraging us! What a blessing! What a lot of work!....We talk about this alot...the leadership team! Wow! This ministry is a lot of work, but so rewarding as we see hearts being softened for the Lord. As we see the Holy Spirit move and draw moms closer to him. As we see Moms at the park, library, wal-mart and invite them to come and be a part and they COME!.....our prayer is that through sharing life with them we can share Christ with them! Oh the things I have learned and continue to learn as He graciously guides me. I feel so unworthy and unequipped at times for some of the responsibilities that have come with this ministy. Satan is on attack. God is being glorified! Moms are growing closer to Him. Families are being changed....would you pray for this ministry? Pray that the Lord would give us wisdom in how to deal with some attacks that are going on right now. Pray that the Lord would put a hedge of protections around this ministry. Pray that we would serve him together in unity. I am so excited to see what He has in store this year for this ministry and am so thankful to be leading these women to serve him together in this ministry so near to my heart. He alone is worthy! One of the things the Lord has been speaking to me specifically about is that He is not interested in my capabilities but in my availability. Because He is God He can do all things. But he can't accomplish things for His glory if we are not available for Him to use. Are you available for the Lord to use? How are you spending your days...your time....your efforts? What does He have in store for you? Bloom where you are planted....Be a sunbeam for Him! Oh, how He loves you and wants to fill your heart with His goodness too!

Just a funny..

Tonight at the dinner table Carson was trying to talk Andrew into eating all of his rice and peas and so he proceeded to say, "You have to eat your dinner, so you can grow big and strong so when you are older...well you can be somebody....(pause) Well, Mom isn't somebody...she doesn't work...(pause)...well, some people don't do anything they just sit on the couch all day!" Ha! Thanks buddy! I had to take a moment to explain to him that I have the best job on the planet...being his Mommy! And this Mommy does not have time to sit on the couch all day but sometimes wishes she could! What a funny boy!


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Sweet little Andrew

Just a sweet little note my sweet little Andrew left me this morning...I am so thankful to be his Mommy!


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Catching up....Just playing!

While Daddy was in a meeting we found a park to play. It was a lovely day in November!

Carson is such a great big brother! He loves his sisters!

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Catching Up....Oh pink Christmas Tree!

Abigail Ruth loves pink! "It's my favorite" she says! We went to find her a pink Christmas tree. Mommy is not really good at looking at and reading the boxes....so we ended up with this "whimsy" Christmas tree. Who would have known their were different "styles" of Christmas trees. In a matter of one day she had taken all of the plastic ornament balls off of the tree and destroyed them. She is so very much like Andrew, the destroyer, it's scary. We have been asking Abigail what she would like for Christmas this year and she says, "Pink!". Hmm...ok!


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Catching Up....Keep Out

Andrew made these awesome signs for the girls and boys rooms and posted them to their doors by using bandaids! Truly genius work!

"Keep out girls only"

"keep out boys only"

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Catching Up....Go Pokes!

Abigail and her friend Carlie Kennedy...ready for the big bedlam game! We walked away with a big W this year! Go pokes!

Catching Up...Thanksgiving Program

Andrew and his kindergarten class went to sing at a nursing home here in Cushing for Thanksgiving so the girls and I went to show him support. They also collected items to bring to the people that lived there. He came home one day saying "Mom, these people that live there...they need wipes, lots of wipes. So they can clean themselves." He proceeded to go to the girls room and fill his backpack with bags of baby wipes. I love his heart to take care of people. Earlier this year he also conspired to take all of our basketballs and footballs to school to share with one of the schools that had lost all of their play equipment during the tornado. I only realized they had done as I walked past the box at school and recognized some items. We had to talk to the boys about letting us know about taking things to school. We actually would have been happy to go purchase some new equipment for those schools in need. I am however thankful that when my boys see a need they are ready to help in any way they can...even if that means packing up all their stuff and sharing it!

Catching Up....Da Girls

Abigail loves this hat!

So, this is a funny story. Abigail and i thought Claire had already gone to sleep. I was reading Abigail a story very quietly and all of a sudden we saw this little sister peeking out over the top of her crib. We just laughed and I ran to get the camera.

She is officially strolling around the room with the help of her baby stroller.

Oops, did Mommy leave the bowl of food on her tray. Oh yea, and she was quick to get it all over herself!

...and she is very proud of herself!

Abby Ruthie loves to dance. I took these pics to remember that anytime she hears music...she goes to her room to get her "tangled" dress so she can twirl and dance. Just precious.

Abigail has officially confiscated Carson's Pistol Pete hat. She loves Pistol Pete!

Her Little shirt says "Daddy's Little Princess" and that she is.

Peek A Boo!

"Hey, Ma...I can pull up here but I can't quite see yet....hmmm" (waiting for the boys to come home and off the bus.)

Catching up....Oh Cww-are

Cww-are is how Abigail says Claire....with a big W. It is so cute! Here she is waiting for some of our friends to get here for one of our Moms 31 Planning Meetings. More about this in another post. Oh, how I love Cww-are's cute little bum!