Caught off guard...

On Wednesday we were on our way to Piano rehearsal and Carson started remembering and asking questions about the babies that we have lost. I was totally caught off guard...many times I can see it coming but this time it was totally out of the blue. We have tried to be very honest and open with our children about the two babies that we were not able to hold before the Lord took them home to be with Him. Our children have rejoiced when we found out we were expecting and they have also weeped a little with us as we walked through the days after finding out those babies had stopped growing. Carson, being the oldest, always remembers. Some days he just likes to talk about them and remember them. At Christmas I remember them most. We had just found out were were pregnant both times and had told family and friends. Now as I hang our stockings each year I pause to remember them. We will never hang a stocking for these precious children but they will always be remembered. This week Carson was just remembering and told me again that one of those babies would be older than Abigail and one of those babies would be older than Claire. Yes, I told him you are right. He asked why they stopped growing again and I explained again that we don't know but we can trust that God knows best and that His plan for us is perfect. He is a wonderful father and is with them until we can be with them again. Andrew wondered outloud if they were brothers or sisters...I just listened as they decided maybe one was a brother and one was a sister. I told them that Daddy had read a book called "Heaven is for Real" where the little boy met a sister in heaven that he didn't know his Mommy had lost. That sister was not a baby...that sister continued to grow in age just like them. I asked them if they thought our babies would be babies when we got to heaven or if they would be grown in age and one would be older than Abigail and one would be older than Claire. They both agreed that they would absolutely be babies. Carson asked why they say the babies were "lost" if we know where they are to which I totally understood. It was a sweet time of remembering. Remembering and teaching my children how good and gracious that the Lord is. How life is just stinky sometimes and we don't understand why some things happen but we are so blessed to have a heavenly father who walks with us and rejoices over us and quiets our tears. Yes, there were tears again this time as we talked but it is so good to remember the pain for in it we remember the love and grace that the Lord has so freely and abundantly lavished upon us. My prayer is that you would be real with your children. Share with them things that may not be easy so that they might glimpse Jesus working in the midst of your family. He alone is faithful! He alone is worthy! "The Lord is good and His love endures forever, His faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100:5